"You're Not Like Other Girls"

I thought I'd start my first feminism post with a simple subject, rather than try to tackle the wage gap or lack of representation in the media.

"You're not like other girls."

At one time or another, we've all heard this.  It could be the male lead in a movie trying to sway the female love-interest, or perhaps you've even been told this.  Maybe you've said this to a woman.  What appears as a compliment has hidden (and negative) undertones.

While this may be a genuine compliment and she truly is like no other girl you've ever met before, chances are you have met women like her.  Amongst the dozens of ladies you know and the hundreds you've met, there's bound to be qualities she shares.

But this phrase isn't trying to say she's different than those women. It implies that she's better than those women.

Think about it; It's meant to be a compliment to her.  She's wonderful, fantastic, and you enjoy spending time with her, don't you?  But what does that say about all those women who aren't like her?  Does that make them terrible, dreadful, and unpleasant to spend time with?

This is a classic example of lifting one up by putting others down.  It's manipulative and shames an entire gender for the sake of making one person feel good about herself.  Not much of a compliment, eh?

It stems from a misperception that is rooted in society, one that we see in characters like Penny in the Big Bang Theory and Cher in Clueless.  With every female character we see in movies that lacks substance and originality, it contributes to this idea that women in real life lack substance and originality -- that our interests include shopping and tanning, that we can't form a sentence without the words "like" or "um" every so often, or that we can't possibly be good at -- let alone interested in -- "manly" things like sports and video games.  Any women who shows substance and originality beyond this narrowly defined personality is a special snowflake and should be acknowledged for it (I hope that sentence made you cringe reading it as much as I did writing it).

Surprise, surprise! Hardly any woman fits this stereotype entirely, though we all (men included) have attributes from it.  And for the few who do fit it, that's ok too! What's not alright is allowing this to be the default for girls because it limits them.  Just because a women likes to shop, that doesn't make her materialistic, nor does wearing makeup make her self-absorbed.  Having no interest in sports doesn't make her "unrelateable" to men, and repeating "um" does not mean she's a ditz.

The next time you hear this line, remember - he may have a high opinion of you, but he has a poor judgement of women in general.  If you have the chance to respond to the person, tell him that while his intentions may be good, the compliment would be more meaningful if he compared you to people in general rather than just women.  And if you're comfortable enough with him, call him out on it!  Ask him what makes you different from other girls, and he'll probably list a few sexist stereotypes like the ones from above.  If it's a genuine compliment, then he should be able to use the word "people" in place of "girls," (ex: "you're not like other people because no one else makes me laugh this hard.")